Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
