Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
