My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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