dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
