just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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