if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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