is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
where are you?
Hypothermia
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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