My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
