THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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