I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize