If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
