I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
