Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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