burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
