margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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