I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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