wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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