I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why is half of my head shaved?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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