Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
