just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
