PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize