You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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