Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
