so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
