rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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