Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
