Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
