tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
