so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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