I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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