right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
