don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
