I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
