no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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