this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
