If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
