Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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