guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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