Christians are straight up FREAKS
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
