His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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