so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
