My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
