The maid of honor just puked.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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