Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
