He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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