would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize