I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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