why didn't you poke me back
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
