I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
