At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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