You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
