I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
