I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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