yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
