who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize