....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
