do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
