you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize