google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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