she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
