# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize