I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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