god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
