Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
