If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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