I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
