"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
