I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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