2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
