Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
