She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize