I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
