We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
