That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize