I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
