and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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