I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
