I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
