It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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