Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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