I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
