Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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