Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize