Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
