Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
