Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize