im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
