if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
