what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
