The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
