dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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