so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
