Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
