i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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