ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
