Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
