So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
