So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
