that's an acceptable place to lick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
