All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
