My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
two words...techno handjob
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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