1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My ass is underappreciated
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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