i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize