my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
