Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
