I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
